Another crisis, another upheaval I have no idea how to deal with. A friend sent a link this morning and as the powerful words of I Surrender by Hillsong wash over me, I fall to my knees, my arms spread wide. I don’t know what to do, Lord. What to say, how best to say whatever needs to be said. Because I do have to say something.
“Like a rushing Wind, Jesus breathe within, Lord, have Your way, have Your way in me… “
I’m flagging, but God says: ‘In your weakness I will make you strong.’ I feel the reverence of the Lord, the need to bow low as an act of submission brings me to my knees. I seek to make Him Lord of all, because it is only in that Lordship and surrender that I can re-discover my first love.
“Here I am down on my knees again, surrendering all, surrendering all…”
As I kneel at the foot of the cross, my face wet with tears, singing familiar words, I feel peace encroach. The atmosphere is gentle. I see myself among the rocks, the shadow of the cross over me. I sense a presence, a quiet comfort. Jesus is gentle but unyielding as He asks, not for more of me, but for all of me. If I can get there, get to that place of total and undistracted communion I sense I will find the peace, assurance and thus the confidence to meet whatever challenges await.
“Drench My soul as mercy and grace unfold, I hunger and thirst, I hunger and thirst, with arms stretched wide I know you hear my cry, speak to me now…”
Surrender is not simply a giving up of my life, but offering all the strands that make up who I am. My fears, my likes, my dislikes, my anger, my need to defend, to justify, all of it, until all that remains is the love with which He fills me, the love that I must appropriate in order to share it, unconditionally with those around me, no matter the hurt of thoughtless action, the anger at unreasonable behaviour, or simple irritation.
“I surrender, I want to know You more…I’m desperate, for You”
The flow of tears slow, the ache recedes, as He breathes His light within, exchanging the weight of my burden for the easy yoke of His concern, His care.
“ Like a mighty storm stir within my soul, Lord, have Your way … “
I can do this. I can get through this.
“I know You hear my cry, speak to me now..”